Grief is a funny thing. It can consume your thoughts and make it hard to do just daily activities. But one day, without you noticing it, it begins to slip away. You remember good things, funny things, and you don’t automatically tear up afterwards. You can say their name without a catch in your breath. You can look at their picture without turning away because it just hurts too much. Thank God for family and friends while you are healing; grief alone is terrifying.
I’m coming up from under several loads and getting back my sense of balance. My Master Gardener program has finished. I aced quizzes and final presentations and completed all 40 of my volunteer hours. I have just a few weeks left of my final university class and I’m on track with the course work. I’m going to take the state test for my real estate license in a few weeks. And my grief has moved to a protected place, covered over like a pearl with all the good memories I have to look back on.
But somewhere in the middle of the last six weeks, I lost about 9 lbs and two inches. I think it started off because I just wasn’t eating. That first week after the phone call announcing my friend’s death, I can’t tell you what nutrition I took in. Not much, is all I can say. For the next couple of weeks, I ate a little more, but still, wasn’t really paying attention. Not until nearly a month had gone by did I realize my clothes were a bit looser. I checked my weight and waist and hip measurements and, sure enough, there was a half inch less around in both places and 5 lbs were gone off the scale. All this and my exercise was limited due to my injured knee.
At that point, I made a snap decision. I was going to purposefully continue to eat less than what was recommended calorie wise and see what happened. I had a dietitian appointment coming up in three weeks, so I figured any ‘damage’ I did would be minor. I lifted weights to the best of my ability and tried to walk a mile three times a week. And if I wasn’t hungry, if my stomach wasn’t growling, I didn’t eat. When I did eat, I made protein a priority, because I wanted to minimize muscle loss and stay full longer.
My appointment was this past Friday. I went from 146 to 137 and my visceral fat level dropped from 9 to 8. I did lose nearly 2 lbs of muscle in there, but it’s hard to keep when you can’t strength train properly. As my knee gets better, I’m able to lift more, so I’m not terribly worried. I’m also able to go back to Pilates twice a week starting this week, so that will help as well.
All in all, I’m feeling more hopeful than I have in a very long time. I’m going to keep this eating and exercising plan moving forward. Fingers crossed, it will continue to provide results.
House of Chaos 