There is an asterisk this week, because I don’t feel motivated in the slightest. I have been busy and I injured my knee, which put a severe crimp in all workouts and daily life activities, but that isn’t the problem.
A little over a week ago, I got a phone call telling me a friend had passed away. The suspected cause of death was aneurysm, which means none of us had any warning. One day we were laughing and joking around, the next she was gone. My brain does not process death that quickly and my first reaction was a negation, as if me saying it wasn’t true would make it so. What followed was one of the hardest weeks I’ve had in years.
My friend was not a demur, quiet type. She was loud, bold, and took up space wherever she went. She loved bright colors, large necklaces, colorful eyeglasses, and blue eye shadow. She loved to laugh and make others laugh along with her. She loved sarcasm and bawdy humor. She was generous to a fault, with her time and her skills. If she even heard there might be a need for something or someone, she was already figuring out how to fill it. She would text people regularly just to make sure they were having a good day and then try to cheer them up if they weren’t. She cared so much about so many, it’s hard to see how one person could do everything she did. She lived life on her own terms and she didn’t apologize for it. She had overcome tragedies and come out the other side determined to move forward. She was strong, confident, intelligent, witty, a practical joker, and there is a hole now where she once stood. I will miss her more than I can say.
I have so many memories and stories I will be trying to write down over the next few weeks so that I don’t lose them to the passing of time. Others at our dojo have been sharing their own memories, so I will include those as well. Her gloves and jiujitsu belt have been hung on her locker, along with pictures from over the years. I’m struggling to walk past it as I go onto the mat. But the comforting thing is I’m not alone. Our dojo is a family and we have all cried together and supported each other through this and I know that support will not stop. We can reach out with our grief and others with respond, whether that means a hug, a listening ear, or just sitting next to one another in silence.
I didn’t start martial arts with the intention of making friends. But it happened anyway and I thank God for them, even when, like now, there is pain in losing them. Her death does not take away all the good we shared and to that I will hold.
Rest in peace, my friend.
House of Chaos 