Life Happens

Setbacks – Part 2

You can read part 1 here.

It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep that night, but the next day brought no change. The left side of my body was still numb, I was still frozen in one spot, and I didn’t know anymore than I did before I went to sleep.

This is one of the worst states for me to be in: not knowing. I have a hard time moving on if I don’t know what is going on. I don’t like surprises. I will skip to the end of the book to see who lives and who dies and come back to enjoy the story. Yet here I was, just waiting for the next test to be done so I could get some answers.

My fingers still worked and my phone isn’t heavy. I started reading online about acute torticullis and herniated discs. The information was everything from “This is common, you’ll recover” to “Oh, man, you’re going to have surgery and your life will be OVER”.

I tried not to read the really depressing stuff, but I wasn’t in the most light hearted mood. My husband was trying to keep his work up, my mom and sisters were in and out helping with housework and the kids, and the kids, well… They tried to be quiet and helpful, but with the house out of schedule it was hard for them. I am someone who needs quiet and solitude for a few hours a day so as not to bite someone’s head off and all the commotion was adding to my stress level. But I couldn’t complain because everyone was trying so hard to help.

Two days this went on before I was able to get an MRI. The truck ride was long and I had forgotten to take my pain medication with me. The test itself doesn’t hurt, but moving around did. But could they tell me the results right then, so I could go home with some kind of answer? HA! “The radiologist will call your doctor with the results. You should hear something Monday.”

So, I got back in the truck and we headed home. By this time, I was done, but apparently the universe wasn’t finished with me yet. On the way, my husband hit a pot hole, the kind that make you want to stop and check your axles to make sure they aren’t bent. I hadn’t shed a tear so far, but I cried after that. It felt like someone had picked up my head and then slammed it down on my neck.

I went back to my sofa and didn’t move for the rest of the day. I watched an inordinate amount of television, something I don’t normally do. I tried reading books, but my arms got tired holding them up to eye level. I felt useless and dumb, as if I had brought this on myself. My family was more than willing to blame martial arts. For five days I was urged from all sides to give it up.

It is a sign of how despondent I was that I considered it. I don’t know if it was the pain, the medication, or the not knowing what was going on with me, but I was in a total funk.

The weekend seemed to take forever, but Monday finally rolled around. My doctor had called a couple of times just to check on me, but now she was calling with answers. I had a herniated disc at the C4-C5 level in my neck and a bulging disc at the C8 level. These were compressing the nerves on my left side and causing the numbness. My muscles had responded to the irritation by spasming and then locking into place.

Bucket of laughs right there.

Ok, now we were getting somewhere. Next stop: neurosurgeon.




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